simple treasures...

i want to go home. why? i don't know. should there be a valid reason for me to want to go home? isn't the word HOME enough to answer the 'whys'? lately, i've been feeling pretty down. barno told me it's spring, that's why. how in heaven did the changing of the season affect my equilibrium, i have no idea. be that as it may, i long for the comforts of my own bedroom, my huge sofa where i would usually snuggle after a day's work, and the corny jokes of friends from way back. i miss eating fish balls, walking around the village where i lived and talking to my brother. i miss home. i can find no explanation for this unusual sentiment, but i may just find myself flying over oceans and seas, excitedly anticipating the descent to the over-crowded, unbelievably polluted and totally beloved metro manila.

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i woke up early morning today to a dream of jonathan. in spite of the pain we caused each other, we have worked hard to remain friends. "you know, pi, you're one of the best things that ever happened to me and i never fail to thank God for that," he told me, a decade after we parted ways. i have been jaded by men's empty promises, but the utmost sincerity in that simple declaration made me cry. in a world where people come and go, where friendships bloom and die, i am glad that the most influential young man of my childhood has withstood the test of time. i know that last night's dream was just another reminder that in this vast universe of uncertainty, i always have an enduring anchor. and he is home.

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i am almost done with the blood-curdling editing of the first draft of my thesis. whew! i know it's still a long way to go but three weeks ago i did not even know i could come this far. coming back from manila, i brought with me an almost complete data file needed for this project. what was lacking was the drive to do it. the first time i sat down in front of my computer, i wracked my brain for one sensible opening line. i failed. then i remembered what gidi, my cousin's husband, told me when we had dinner back home. "i think i was the only senior in my batch who did not lose sleep over my thesis, and all because i was totally into my topic," he matter-of-factly said. interest? was i interested in my topic? i realized it was time to grapple with reality, and not with theory. i listened to my interviews and started to feel my adrenalin bursting. the next time i sat down to write, words just flowed out of my fingers. i continued typing, often forgetting to eat or rest, until finally i have written the longest treatise i have written in my entire life. two weeks have passed. i am down to editing my work. i know i am not as sharp and brilliant as the magna cum laude harvard-trained gideon javier, but i am as inspired as he was. i think that, for the moment, it is more than enough.